My Best Self

I found this list on my phone.  Written late at night, during one of my bouts of insomnia, or nursing a baby, or whatever kept me up in the middle of the night, circa Dec 2011. 

I'd live within my budget. ( Nope.)
I'd wipe the sink after I apply my makeup.  (Nope.)
I'd write something every day. (I don't think Facebook status should count. So nope.)
I'd exercise for the recommended 50 minutes. (20 minutes.  It's better than nothing.)
I'd spend more than 2 passing minutes with my dogs. (Yes, see above 20 minutes walking the dogs.)
I'd sweep everyday.  (Definitely no.)
I'd put away laundry as soon as its folded. (*sigh* No.)
I'd do dishes before going to bed.  (Never.)
I'd make my bed in the morning. (Occasionally.)
I'd engage in random acts of kindness. (I am kind in general especially in slow grocery lines.  That should count.)
I'd laugh & make someone smile every day. (Yes!)

After 2 years, I can report that writing things down does not make it more likely to happen.   But 4 out of 11, what percentage is that - 40%.?  Maybe this need to be posted on my bathroom mirror....

Slim & Trim - Day 1, aka Sweaty Mess

Who starts an outdoor workout regimen in the dog days of August?  A highly motivated mama who is hoping to not keel over anytime soon (Spoiled Wifey Aside:  although my new unease is that I’m going to be knocked off by some random driver, distracted by texting.  Damn you, Smart phones!).

Do I look “hot” in my post-workout photo?  Um, yes, hot but not in the beautiful sense.  I definitely look hot, as in a sweaty, hot mess. Yup, so I decided to take a jog around the block, which happens to be a half mile.  And then I got overly ambitious, or perhaps I was lacking adequate oxygen to the brain to make lucid decisions, and decided to do it again.  My first baby steps and I felt terrible.  Sucking air hard, extremely sweaty, and not enjoying it one bit.  Where was my endorphin rush?!  The only highlights were (1) stopping and (2) coming inside to the cool air conditioning.

I am using RunKeeper to keep track of my “progress”, which is entertaining in a self-deprecating way, when a few minutes after my first run I get an email notification that states “Congratulations!  You have run your farthest distance to date.”  Seriously?  I get an electronic fist bump for moving all of 1 mile?  I won’t bother to share my pace.  Or how many times I walked.  I burned enough calories to think about consuming a glass of red wine, but to think about it only.  I can’t actually enjoy a glass of red wine until my calorie burn equals consumption.  It could be a while.  At least two more electronic fist bumps, for sure.

GOALS

(1)    Oct 1:  See progress in all my numbers:  Cholesterol.  Blood Pressure.  Whatever else they are testing me on and using their scare tactics for healthy behavior modification.

(2)   Run/Walk/Crawl a 5K on Sep 22.  In my 20s, I used to run long distance races frequently, albeit slowly.  My knees have never forgiven me.  I neither have the time or desire to run half or full marathons again.  But certainly, I can run a 5K and think it’s fun. 

(3)   ZUMBA!  Not one, but two classes a week, starting in September.  Do what you love, and then it doesn’t feel like a workout.  I can swing my hips with the best of them!

Note that I am not making a weight loss goal at this time, because surely if I am moving and not stuffing my face with comfort foods, the pounds will drop.  I also note that I need to add strength training.  But right now my focus is to just start moving, on a regular basis, without bitching about it.  Strength training is intimidating to me.  So we will save that when I am a bit farther down the road and committed.

FOOD CHALLENGES

I can already feel myself getting agitated as I think about this.  I think making good food choices consistently will be the most difficult for me.  I am not a gal who likes to deny myself of anything.  Willingly cut back on dessert?  Are you serious?  I have decided to cut back on cake (bye-bye, tiramasu. *sigh*) and only indulge when I dine out, which isn’t often.  I still have snack size chocolate popsicles, and I do snack on chocolate & almonds.  I can’t make too many draconian cutbacks all at once. 

I am already losing interest in my own post about food, as I am sipping my red wine.  Don’t judge.  This is my first glass of wine in over a week.  And it’s only one glass.  Ok, maybe two.

Wish me self-discipline!

Discipline & Health (Or in my Case, Indulgence & a Fat Belly)

I like to think about things for a long time before I ever lift a finger to do them.  I have also been characterized as a dreamer or a schemer.  Sometimes, I motivate and actually put thoughts into action.  However, rarely, do I actually complete a task or chase a dream or initiate a scheme.   Hubby recently told me he finds this trait quite annoying.  I’m not sure why I am like this.  Sometimes it annoys me, too.  Something always holds me back.  Fear of failure, Boredom, Attention Diverted, A New Dream.  I don’t know.  But I have recognized this lack of initiative and follow-through for awhile now.  

Now that I have an awareness of this, how do I move past it in order to accomplish things that I know will make me happy?  And healthy? And energetic?

*Baby steps*  

My friend reminded me of this well-known but never-the-less true idea of baby steps.  Start out small.  Just a little bit at a time.  Manageable chunks.  With a goal in sight.

This friend is very disciplined in life, in diet, in fitness.  Well, just about everything.  Frankly, I think it sounds boring.  No alcohol.  No desserts.  The same foods day in and day out.  (Think protein.  No caffeine.  Water, water, water.)  On the flipside, my friend is very healthy with a smokin’ hot body.

I want a smokin’ hot body.  I just don’t want to work for it.  In my mind, enjoying a variety of foods is a joy of life.  Feasting sounds fabulous.  Deprivation does not.  Working out every day sounds exactly that – working out.  Ugh.

And yet, as Little Man and I are watching the Men’s Synchronized Diving Competition on the Olympics last night, Little Man made a cutting comment to me, cutting only because of the innocent observation in which it was made of the undeniable.  Little Man noted that the men were wearing tiny swim shorts. I was explaining that the divers were very muscular and had very little fat on them.  To which Little Man replied “Mama, you have a little fat on you.”  No kidding, he pats my belly as he says this, but in an innocent way.  Ay!

This conversation does go further as it is begging to be a teachable moment.  I agree with Little Man.  Yes, Mama does have a “little fat”.  But I remind him to be careful about what he says about other people’s body.  Why, Mama?  Because people can be sensitive about their bodies.  He gets it.  We have talked about fat bellies before (Grandpa is currently a robust Santa lookalike right now).  We have discussed good food choices and moderation.  (Which seemed like a good discussion until he pointed out rather loudly one day on an errand run that the woman with a belly over there was obviously drinking too much juice. Ay!)

So back to my lack of initiative and turning it around.  How do I develop self-discipline?  How do I develop a love for fitness? How do I change my attitude about food moderation without feeling deprived?  I really like my coffee with cream and sugar.  Red wine at night.  Cheetos.  Desserts. Late night snacking.  I’m already feeling stress as I type, thinking about future deprivation.  I’m starting to feel pissed off that I have to hold off.  I am a hedonist.  I almost always go for instant gratification. (Let’s not even begin discussing the credit card.)

However, I’m also unequivocally feeling the stress of my doctor’s remarks earlier this week about my elevated numbers.  If vanity doesn’t motivate me, longevity or lack thereof just might be the right motivator.

In the next few days, I will post my goals.  My toughest challenge will be making the time to work out, to make it a priority, and to not hate it or be resentful about it. 

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drink a big glass of water before bedtime to trick myself into thinking I’m full and not eat the little bag of chips that has been whispering sweet nothings to me for the past 30 minutes.

 

[Aside: Clearly, I should follow my friend’s example of not inviting temptation into the kitchen by not buying questionable food in the first place.  I don’t know.  The love affair with my salty succulent little bag of chips has been going on for quite some time.  I’m not sure I have it in me to quit him just yet.  Could I ignore his advances if I am armed with a higher purpose? I'm holding steady right now with my cool, refreshing glass of non-caloric water.]