I like to think about things for
a long time before I ever lift a finger to do them. I have also been characterized as a dreamer
or a schemer. Sometimes, I motivate and
actually put thoughts into action.
However, rarely, do I actually complete a task or chase a dream or
initiate a scheme. Hubby recently told
me he finds this trait quite annoying.
I’m not sure why I am like this.
Sometimes it annoys me, too.
Something always holds me back.
Fear of failure, Boredom, Attention Diverted, A New Dream. I don’t know.
But I have recognized this lack of initiative and follow-through for
awhile now.
Now that I have an awareness of
this, how do I move past it in order to accomplish things that I know will make
me happy? And healthy? And energetic?
*Baby steps*
My friend reminded me of this
well-known but never-the-less true idea of baby steps. Start out small. Just a little bit at a time. Manageable chunks. With a goal in sight.
This friend is very disciplined
in life, in diet, in fitness. Well, just
about everything. Frankly, I think it
sounds boring. No alcohol. No desserts.
The same foods day in and day out.
(Think protein. No caffeine. Water, water, water.) On the flipside, my friend is very healthy
with a smokin’ hot body.
I want a smokin’ hot body. I just don’t want to work for it. In my mind, enjoying a variety of foods is a
joy of life. Feasting sounds
fabulous. Deprivation does not. Working out every day sounds exactly that –
working out. Ugh.
And yet, as Little Man and I are
watching the Men’s Synchronized Diving Competition on the Olympics last night,
Little Man made a cutting comment to me, cutting only because of the innocent
observation in which it was made of the undeniable. Little Man noted that the men were wearing
tiny swim shorts. I was explaining that the divers were very muscular and had
very little fat on them. To which Little
Man replied “Mama, you have a little fat on you.” No kidding, he pats my belly as he says this,
but in an innocent way. Ay!
This conversation does go further
as it is begging to be a teachable moment.
I agree with Little Man. Yes,
Mama does have a “little fat”. But I
remind him to be careful about what he says about other people’s body. Why, Mama?
Because people can be sensitive about their bodies. He gets it.
We have talked about fat bellies before (Grandpa is currently a robust
Santa lookalike right now). We have
discussed good food choices and moderation.
(Which seemed like a good discussion until he pointed out rather loudly
one day on an errand run that the woman with a belly over there was obviously drinking
too much juice. Ay!)
So back to my lack of initiative
and turning it around. How do I develop
self-discipline? How do I develop a love
for fitness? How do I change my attitude about food moderation without feeling
deprived? I really like my coffee with
cream and sugar. Red wine at night. Cheetos.
Desserts. Late night snacking.
I’m already feeling stress as I type, thinking about future deprivation. I’m starting to feel pissed off that I have
to hold off. I am a hedonist. I almost always go for instant gratification.
(Let’s not even begin discussing the credit card.)
However, I’m also unequivocally feeling
the stress of my doctor’s remarks earlier this week about my elevated
numbers. If vanity doesn’t motivate me,
longevity or lack thereof just might be the right motivator.
In the next few days, I will post
my goals. My toughest challenge will be
making the time to work out, to make it a priority, and to not hate it or be
resentful about it.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m
going to drink a big glass of water before bedtime to trick myself into
thinking I’m full and not eat the little bag of chips that has been whispering
sweet nothings to me for the past 30 minutes.
[Aside: Clearly, I should follow my friend’s example of not inviting
temptation into the kitchen by not buying questionable food in the
first place. I don’t know. The love affair with my salty succulent
little bag of chips has been going on for quite some time. I’m not sure I have it in me to quit him just
yet. Could I ignore his advances if I am
armed with a higher purpose? I'm holding steady right now with my cool, refreshing glass of non-caloric water.]
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