My Best Self

I found this list on my phone.  Written late at night, during one of my bouts of insomnia, or nursing a baby, or whatever kept me up in the middle of the night, circa Dec 2011. 

I'd live within my budget. ( Nope.)
I'd wipe the sink after I apply my makeup.  (Nope.)
I'd write something every day. (I don't think Facebook status should count. So nope.)
I'd exercise for the recommended 50 minutes. (20 minutes.  It's better than nothing.)
I'd spend more than 2 passing minutes with my dogs. (Yes, see above 20 minutes walking the dogs.)
I'd sweep everyday.  (Definitely no.)
I'd put away laundry as soon as its folded. (*sigh* No.)
I'd do dishes before going to bed.  (Never.)
I'd make my bed in the morning. (Occasionally.)
I'd engage in random acts of kindness. (I am kind in general especially in slow grocery lines.  That should count.)
I'd laugh & make someone smile every day. (Yes!)

After 2 years, I can report that writing things down does not make it more likely to happen.   But 4 out of 11, what percentage is that - 40%.?  Maybe this need to be posted on my bathroom mirror....

I f*cking hate happy, "in love" thirty-something people on Facebook. Makes me want to vomit.

I can't post this on Facebook because then all my friends & acquaintances would worry about my mental health.

And I'm fine, really.

But I do want to rant & rage a little bit.

My complaint for the day:  I f*cking hate happy, "in love" thirty-something people on Facebook.  Makes me want to vomit.

Please, spare me the gushing about marrying your best friend.  Really?  Come on. 

Today I just have a dark cloud hovering over my head, about to start raining heavily, maybe even hailing. 

I am experiencing a few major transitions right now.  Frankly, it sucks because my immediate future looks rather bleak and unbalanced.  However, I have to be strong for myself and for children.  But I'm not feeling strong right now.  In fact, I really want to take something that will take off the edge.  Don't worry, I'm not hitting the bottle although it sounds like a lovely escape.  Instead, I just ate several things that will make me fat and jack up my cholesterol.  I'm over-caffeinated, too.

Overall, I'm just acknowledging that my little world sucks right now.  That is all.

Friending Your Mom on Facebook is a BAD Idea When You are Talking About Tattoos

Yes, I am a Suburban Housewife who wants to get some ink.  It’s trendy. It makes me feel not quite so homely.  The tats are for me, my self-expression.  (Although I ain’t gonna lie, Hubby thinks it’s HOT.  And well, anything to keep the fires going is probably worth pursuing.)  So Hubby and I attended the DC Tattoo Convention this past weekend with the hopes of meeting some local artists and preview their portfolios. 

I returned home very excited about the prospect, thinking about the work I want done and what it symbolizes to me.  Of course, it’s not official until I post it on Facebook.  My post:

Sorry, Mom! But I'm one step closer to getting inked. Just got home from the DC Tattoo Convention. Butterflies, dragons, and a lil crab. ;)

I got a few likes and comments from my friends.  And then my Mom weighed in with

You are not JOLIE and ERIC is not PITT. KEEP YOUR SKIN FROM INTENTIONAL BLEMISH. WHY GO THROUGH THE PAIN. LOVE YOU MUCH. BE CLEAN...

I am nothing but amused.  And yes, she did write in ALL CAPS.  But it gets better.  My sister chimes in with

            LMAO! (at mom's comment) I'm next...Shhh! I'm thinking a sleeve..

Mom’s reply:

What does LMSO mean? just voicing my opinion. You are adults who decide what is best for you, whether I agree with you or not, you are in control. MY love is always with both of you.

Oy!

When I called home for my weekly check-in, I got an earful.  After her 20-minute tirade, she ended it with “But it’s your body.  You are old enough to do whatever you want.”  You think?! 

I got nothing but love for my mother.  But I am still building up my patience reserves for when she sees all the tats for the first time.

This Christmas Season My Mental Capacity Has Been Reduced to Nothing More Than Composing Facebook Posts to Combat Stress

Sadly, my mental capacity has been reduced to nothing more than composing Facebook status updates to combat Christmas stress. I usually self-impose a one-per-day limit. But lately with all the Christmas hype, angst & bliss – I have gone through an emotional roller coaster in the past few weeks trying to get everything done to create the Christmas magic, only to be derailed by the Boy’s 5 days of fever (missed school, doctor visits, phone calls, snuggling and vegging out).—I’ve been wanting to reach out and update my Facebook status every couple of hours. Before you roll your eyes, know that I have resisted. I know I’m not *that* interesting. Interesting, yes. But not every-couple-of-hours interesting. I realize everyone, at least my peer group, is going through the exact same thing (So quit your whining, Woman!). I have nothing profound or original to say, at least in regards to Christmas, that hasn’t been said or thought of a million times before. Perhaps I have a few relatable exasperations about the holiday, cutesy kid stories, or heart-warming Christmas spirit stories to share, but really most of my “would-be” posts are more along the lines of whining. Or, oh yes, posts about my adorable children. While I know they are, in fact, hands down, the most adorable kids in the world, I suppose, if I really had to acknowledge the truth out loud, I know my friends and acquaintances don’t really care all that much. On the other hand, my Mother does. And yes, we are Facebook friends. However, even now, all she really cares about are pictures of her grandkids. She doesn’t always understand my posts, but she reads them all the same because she hearts me. (Love you, Mom!)

Yes, I do completely succumb to the Christmas hype to include pictures with Santa especially for Baby Girl’s 1st Christmas:

The Boy was along too for a Santa visit because he was home from school. He technically was fever-free but it had not been the required 24 hours without fever-reducing medication. I definitely needed to get out of the house after 5 days in the House of Ill and 3 days of missed school. And can I get a gold star on my reward chart for doing my part and keeping the Boy home on the last day, considering he was pinging off the walls and clearly feeling better? I digress. We had a great outing to the Mall to see Santa, lunch, and a relatively inexpensive and whine-free excursion into the Legos store.

Like every mother, my Christmas to do list has been long and never-ending. I have felt varying levels of stress dependent on how much I have or have not accomplished. I was getting a little snappy yesterday. However, one kid-free hour of shopping tonight at the bookstore has restored order, karma, bliss into my life as I am now done with shopping. Yesterday, I was fretting because Hubby was definitely getting short-changed with the holiday gift exchange. I am a big fan of Christmas gifts, not so much for the sake of outdoing the Joneses or complete excess , but because I like to receive presents and I enjoy knowing Hubby was thinking of me. (We will discuss our spousal gift-giving some other time, but it involves lists and not as much imagination as I’d prefer.) I think it is satisfying, when not under a time crunch, searching for and finding the perfect gift, rewarded with a delighted smile. Ok, hmm….I’m not sure Hubby has ever given me a delighted smile, but I know when I have scored big with him. However, in my time management assessment, shopping for him kept falling lower and lower in terms of importance. Yet, I know he has been working hard at getting it right to delight me (Spoiled Wifey Moment: Um, yes, I have that expectation! But on the other hand, he only has to shop for me. I shop for everybody else to include his mother.) Needless to say, I didn’t want to send him the message that he is not important nor disappoint him. I pulled through, found a few things he wants from his Amazon wish list. I also bought a present for him, meant for us, but he’ll think it’s really for me (It’s not!).

I feel better now and have let go of all the other holiday stresses and the guilt for not getting it done. The only thing left on my to do list is to bake cookies. For those friends who aren’t receiving their Christmas cards until AFTER Christmas, I do apologize. You will forgive me, won’t you? That is, if you have even noticed.
Merry Christmas!

Tomorrow: the Christmas Pageant & the Boy