Imprisoned in the House of Sick – A Saturday in June

The biggest challenge for me, as a temporary single parent of young children, is leaving the house becomes an execution of strategy and planning.  Since the children obviously cannot be left alone, they must accompany me everywhere.   Constant companionship is a challenge for me as well.  Add sickness.  I can’t really go anywhere being a responsible citizen mama and limiting exposure.  The situation is not bad enough yet to seek relief.   The house, however, is beginning to feel like a prison.

Handsome Little Man has an upset stomach. 

We attempted to break free.  After he slept off  episode one for most of the morning and he ate a small lunch and claimed to feel much better, we all set off for fresh air.  Destination: Washington Harbor to walk along the Potomac.  Parking was hard to come by and before I could find a space, Little Man began to complain again.  *sigh* I don’t want a repeat incident away from home.  Back home we go.

Sometimes my motherhood experience feels like near constant vexation, punctuated with moments of joy.  I wish it were the other way around!

We made it home, just in time.  Thankfully, Little Man is being a good sport of it, with no whining.

Already this morning, I have dealt with a vomiting boy, spilled apple juice on the sofa cushion, and urine on the living room floor (although I was asking for it.  I let Diva Darling run around nude.  Potty training does not begin in earnest until after the move and we are settled).  It’s the constant clean-up that I object to.  I like clean, just not the cleaning.

Relief is en route.  However, we are not going to attempt prison break #2.  I texted the Hubby to take a taxi home.

I’m now planning my temporary escape when relief does come.  Due to the pending move 3 days away (3 days away!), our cupboards are quite bare and definitely out of stock of necessary upset stomach comfort foods and drinks.  My escape will include a quick kid-free trip to Safeway, a guilt-free snarfing of some fattening ice cream product like a Wendy’s frosty, and 10 minutes of quiet somewhere, soaking in the fresh non-humidity air and sunshine.

Good times, people!  Good times!

Does everyone have this much fun and life challenges daily as me, but I'm the only one who broadcasts my woe-is-me attitude?  Or do I just have bad mojo??

Pre-Move Transition: Feelings of Indifference

Time is marching on.  I have just 3 months before life, the life I have created for this space & time and cultivated for the past 3 years, changes again.  We are moving back to Hell Texas in June.  I have pulled out the moving checklist.

The emotional transition has started.  Which means I am starting to disassociate myself from this place that I love.  I am starting the shutdown, severing ties, no longer reaching out or building community.  Soon life will be all about tying up loose ends.

I’m not quite at the point of thinking “This will be the last time I’m here.”  But I have noted the mental list of all those things I should try to do before I go and all the people I should see one last time before I head out.

Of course, this is also when my “job” kicks into high gear.  While maintaining the home front, providing the kids with the illusion of control and calm, I need to look ahead and envision life at the next place.  I am responsible for securing our next housing situation over a 1,000 miles away.  Where to live.  Schools.  Commute.  Childcare.

Things I will miss:

Veteran's Day 2012 Morning Run

Who's your crawdaddy?

Moms Night Out in Clarendon. Not quite our crowd (too young!)

 Mt Vernon

From South Dakota to DC, a reunion 10 years later

Exhibit at the Museum of Natural History

1. I will miss my 5-mile radius world that include seeing the Washington Monument, the contrails of the Air Force Memorial, the Pentagon, the view along the George Washington Parkway practically every day.  I will miss that one wrong turn and oops! I am in DC. 
2.  I will miss my incredibly awesome neighbor Sylvia who has been my lifeline during this deployment. But also because she’s become a true friend with whom we have shared our true fabulous selves, when the I-have-my-shit-together façade crumbles, when we let the other in to see us when we think no one is looking.  Plus, at the bus stop, on our walks, through our texts, and many coffee pick-me-up dates, she has listened to the crazy, the hypochondria, and the schemes with kindness, with acceptance, and always with humor.  I think she will get the I-will-miss-you-the-most award hands down. 
3. I will miss my friend Cristin and am sad we won’t be able to marvel about motherhood and marriage and lament why no one prepared us for this, all the while eating our way across NoVA.
4.  I will miss taking Handsome Little Man to the Natural History Museum.  We have been there so many times, Little Man could be a tour guide.
5.  I will miss my church.  Finally a place to breathe and question without judgment.   A place to grow, share, and build community.  I love my small intergenerational fellowship group as we study, embrace, and practice peace.  I will miss the challenge of teaching young children.  I will miss the lessons I learned from the wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing.  Finally, I will miss committing to something larger than myself (The first time I have ever been a member of a church.).
6.  I will miss my stylists, Tom & Masis at Ebru Salon, who make me look fabulous.  I walk out of the salon and it’s just like a hair commercial.  Gorgeous, silky hair that I flip back and these luscious locks make me flash my most dazzling smile because I know I look that good.  (We all know that finding a stylist who gets you is always the hardest part about a relocation.  Hey, a gal has beauty standards to maintain!) I took a chance with a blind walk-in one day and couldn’t be happier.  
7. I will miss my Wild Streak Adventure.  Never to be re-created.  
8. I will miss my routine of Lebanese Taverna, my neighborhood Starbucks, my neighborhood toy store, and Homemade Pizza on Friday nights.
9. I will miss my coffee dates and moms night out with all my friends, old and new, that I have gathered on the journey thus far, many with whom I have reconnected because our paths converged again:  Joanna, Kristen, Amber, Brittney, Danielle, Jen P, Lisa H, Elaine. 
10. Most of all, I will miss the world of possibility that this place has to offer.  To me, DC Metro offers a glimpse of what could be if only I’d make up my mind.  I will miss the sense of adventure.  You could live here a lifetime and always be discovering. A breath of fresh air.  A place I feel I belong.  I am not a Nobody and not a “Somebody”.  I just am and it is wonderful.

The truth is we milspouses work so hard to create a fulfilling life at each new assignment, and then just like that, we have to give it up.  Start over.  It’s a loss.  And I’ve been grieving ever since Hubby told me back in December that we were moving.  It’s a process.  This time around I feel it acutely and it’s taking longer than “normal” to bounce back.  I am no longer intensely angry (ok, ok, I am still angry that I have to go back to TX, just not murderously angry anymore).  I am just grieving, working on accepting what is, and will eventually move on. 

I am, however, still not ready to face the cheerleaders about the bright side of moving.  Of all the opportunity of moving back.  Spare me the positivity and enthusiasm for another month or so.  At least wait until it’s spring and I’m in a reasonably good mood because of the weather. 

MOVING & GOOD-BYE

3 moves in 3 years….you’d think it would get easier. It doesn’t.

I am getting to an age where I’m becoming less flexible handling the stresses of moving gracefully, particularly the leaving, the good-byes.

The optimistic among us say it comes with the territory of being a military spouse. Deal with it. “What a fantastic opportunity to have friends all over the world!”

Oh, I deal with it. I consider myself a fairly optimistic person, too [subjective assessment]. But moving still sucks!

I don’t want to have friends all over the world. I want to have friends that I can pal around with right now, the here and now. If I must move, which I must, I want my friends to move with me!

Unrealistic? Uh, yes, I know this. I am also called Spoiled Wifey for a reason…..Thank you very much!

When I know that I am living a touch-and-go lifestyle, I can either jump right in the game or watch from the sidelines. Watching from the sidelines is much safer, especially emotionally.

But this year, I jumped right in.

I have made several great friends, both military and non-military. I reconnected with friends from high school. I have my rituals and routines. I have my caffeine pow wow at the Tipping Point every Thursday at 10:30am. We have only been meeting up since March, but the group has seen its fair share of drama, exasperations, joys, idiosyncrasies, and most importantly, laughs in the past 3 months. I daresay, those who meet up regularly, will miss this routine the most.

And what has started me on my downward emotional spiral of negativity is the goodbyes and the hugs and the promises to keep in touch (we won’t really, maybe a bit better now that there is Facebook) that I keep having to do this week. I just said goodbye to my Latin Dance class group. Shake those hips, Ladies! Shake those hips!

Graduation will be bittersweet. We celebrate the accomplishment but it also means we all scatter to the four winds.

Recognizing that we will need more oompf to get us through the no-kidding last coffee hurrah (the last 3 coffees have supposedly been the last), we are meeting for cocktails instead. I think I will need several stiff drinks to lessen the pain of saying good-bye, for the anxiety of change, and realizing that this experiment may never repeat itself. Ladies, and I know you know who you are, I will miss you more than I can adequately express.

I will, however, NOT cry over cocktails or get overly emotional and sentimental on Thursday. Trust me, it will not happen. Primarily, once the floodgates open, we all know it can’t end well…..

So I put on my happy face, do what I must (and I’d rather not say what that may be), and say good-bye.

GOOD-BYE, MONTGOMERY!!